While serving in a restaurant you have to be around many different types of people. Topics of conversation can range from the best denture adhesive to use, to which steak sauce could best substitute for lubricant in a pinch. And while some things your server can turn their brain off for – there are certain conversations you can’t help but think are so ridiculous that the person speaking MUST be joking. Sadly, they never are.
Last night, while pouring wine at a table of 30-something-year-old’s trying to be 20-something-year-old’s, I overheard a total train wreck of a dye #32 blond talking about her upcoming “Promise” party. That’s right. A Promise Party. The conversation went as such….
“Billy and I are celebrating that fact that we’re promised to each other, ya…No, not engaged, Promised. ‘Cause being engaged is so cliché, and we’re, like, totally committed to each other, so he said I could have a party…to like…let people know that we’re totally committed. So, this is a promise ring – ya, that’s why it’s so small.”
Hhhmmm. Let’s recap: being engaged is cliché, not being promised. You still use the word ‘like’ in a sentence. That’s why the ring is so small, not because he picked it up at Cash 4 Gold on the way home from cheating on you. Right.
Things Billy was doing while you talked about your “Promise” Party.
- Got a blowjob.
- Told his friends he won; because you now believe you never need to get engaged.
- Boned the Asian chick I just saw him go downstairs to the bathroom with.
- Got a high five from a total stranger who overheard him telling his friends that he has you believing you never need to get engaged.
- Got a hand job under the table from the girl you’re talking to.
- Texting his other girlfriend.
To summarize, a Promise ring does one thing only – buy him more time.
If you’re, like, totally committed to THIS guy….then maybe he’s doing you a favor by not marrying you.
