Onyong

**The name 'Onyong' will be completely legitimate to all who rejoice in the Arrested Development TV show...for those of you who don't...shame on you**

Judging from the way my cat seems so tired at the end of the day; I think she must have a pretty busy schedule.  It’s funny, because whenever I’m home, she seems to have all the time in the world to lounge around and catch up on sleep, but I’m beginning to realize that this must be anticipated rest for her crazy busy schedule.

I’d love to talk to her about it, find out what goes on in the apartment while I’m away, but unfortunately she and I only talk in crazy. Yes, that’s right. We DO communicate, but it’s not about regular things; more high pitch meow sounds regarding general upset over the glass door in the bathroom, or why her treats are kept behind a cupboard barrier instead of out in the open.  My boyfriend hasn’t managed to translate or learn this speech pattern, and he mostly just stares at me with worried “is today the day she’s going to kill me” eyes…I have heard boys can’t learn languages as fast as girls.

So, with no other option, I set up a nanny-cam in the apartment so I could see what was going on.  I’m not an over-bearing mom, prying into her personal life; I’m just trying to get to know Onyong and her tastes better...aaaannnd maybe find out where my boyfriend hides all the cookies.

Her day began with a cleaning.  A very thorough cleaning.  I spend about 10 min in the shower in the morning and feel very refreshed, but imagine having to lick your entire body…repeatedly…to feel the same way. Yuck. No wonder she barfs every two days. I’m pretty sure there was an entire overly graphic scene removed from Cats the Musical that was dedicated to acrobatic cleansing.

 Next was a quick skype chat with a cat she became quite close with in Vancouver.  Mr. Puddles was his name.  I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised, my cat is very attractive and relationship savvy, she knows how to keep the boys on a tight leash.  I was always wondering why there was so much cat hair on my computer keyboard.  I assumed she was sleeping on it, so I guess that mystery is solved. 

Then there was the Cat Yoga.  Now, I’ve heard of this…bending in all sorts of directions, stretching out full length on the floor, doing quick sprints to get an elevated heart rate.  Kudos to her for taking the time to be healthy.  So many of us consider our cats to be lazy, but I bet your cat does this too, especially the ladies…the female cat society can be very judgmental regarding weight.

Of course after all that exercise she needed to do another cleaning.  I guess if I had any advice for her, it would be to do her workout before the first clean session.  There’s no need to go through all that hairy hassle twice.

The next event was the most surprising…Book Club! Four other cats came over (thank goodness I leave the balcony door open during the day) with their respected copies of The Cat in the Hat and sat down to discuss the books topics.  Onyong even served some left over scalloped potatoes I had in the back of the fridge as a snack (she must know I hate leftovers).  The discussion was quite insightful, the hottest topic being whether Thing One and Thing Two were the actual aggressors in the book, instead of the poor Cat who always took the blame.

After the guests had retired for the afternoon, Onyong took up a lively session of attacking my slipper; this has become a daily activity for her, even while I’m home.  I’m not sure why, but she really hates my slipper.

Her day ended with an episode of The Young and The Restless, where she caught up on Danny and Cricket’s ongoing love affair and dramatic separation.  This may seem like nothing much to you, but I don’t have cable.  In order to watch anything on the TV you first have to download it off the computer and then transfer the file.  She’s freakin’ brilliant.

By the time I got home, she was passed out on the carpet by the piano.  If I didn’t have the evidence on tape I would have thought that was how she spent the entire day.  It’s good to know she’s active, spending her day on the go, not laying around.

Now, if I could only get my boyfriend out of bed.

Dog Park

10 Dog Park phrases that don’t translate well to a children’s playground…

 1)  “Just let him sniff your bum honey, he just wants to get to know you.”

2) “Oooohh, what a pretty girl, roll over and let me pet your belly!”

3)  “Oh wow, is she your’s? How old is she? Can I touch her?”

 4) “Do you like that one?” “No, too dark.  I like the white one, though.”

5)  “Holy crap! Look at the wang on that guy!”

6) “I think I’d rather have a girl, they seem less likely to fight back.”

7) “Oooh, he’s so ugly it’s cute!”

8)  “Ya, when she gets mounted like that she gets really angry”.

 9)   “Hey! Stop eating that poo! It’s not yours!” (this one might relate)  

10) “Really!? I thought that breed was illegal.”