Sneaky Cheeky

In my opinion, all small animals are pretty cute. In fact I have a soft spot for anything little, and would totally have a raccoon as a pet if it didn’t include cleaning up garbage off the floor every morning. I have always loved cats, I stop and pet every dog I see walking down the street, and recently I have started having conversations with birds; directing them to the best location for stray food.

But my softest spot seems to be for squirrels. I know some people think they look like furry rats, but I just can’t seem to stop smiling when I witness their skittish strung out personalities. They scurry around with nothing else on their mind but food, and I have to say I have a deep respect for that kind of commitment. If I had to plan all my winter meals the summer before I’d be pretty stressed out too.

However, let’s talk about a particular individual.

On the way home from picking up some groceries one afternoon, my boyfriend and I decided to stop at a patio and have a beer. It was a gorgeous sunny day and we sat there for a few hours enjoying our day off. Now let me preface this by saying the patio was at the restaurant where I work, and it was under construction at the time. There were tarps and boxes and random bits of wood lying around – but plenty of space for us to sit in the sun and enjoy a nice refreshing drink.

About two beers in, who should come along? A squirrel! A very friendly and inquisitive squirrel. He played coy with me for a few minutes, running back and forth between a chair and a power sander, then feeling more comfortable he guardedly moved a bit closer.

Next he started playing with some plastic tarp. Oh, how cute! He’s on his hind legs scratching at the plastic! Oh! He’s making cute little noises and rubbing his cheeks! I pointed him out to my boyfriend who was less than interested and told me that squirrels are generally pretty stupid and he would probably try to eat the plastic and choke. I made a note that my boyfriend had just lost points by not being interested in a cute furry little animal, and also for not facilitating my delight in cute furry animals by faking his own.

When I think about it, I guess I should have been more on guard. This wasn’t the first dashing and confident squirrel I had ever met. One morning at University I awoke with a squirrel sitting on my foot with a triumphant glean in his eye, eating the muffin I had saved for breakfast. I couldn’t even get mad at him because he had so brilliantly executed his plan of sneaking up the wall and crawling through the crack in my window. If I really think about it, squirrels are wiley little buggers. They would do anything for food, anything to get their little paws on a piece of something tasty.

OOhhhh! Adorable! He found something and he’s putting it in his mouth! This little guy is soooooooo cute!

Maybe I should check on him, he might be sabotaging me somehow, he might be using his cuteness to get some free beer. I got up and moved a bit closer to him…he stayed. I edged a bit closer…he still sat there. I moved closer to the plastic tarp…hold on, that’s not a plastic tarp, that’s my grocery bag! The dirty little mongrel took off, and what did he have in his greedy little mouth? One of my apples!! He stole and ENTIRE apple from me! I picked up my bad and looked inside. Oh COME ON! The cheese!? He ate my cheese!!!!!

I felt so used. I felt so humiliated. He used his charm and stunning wit to get everything he wanted from me. He played me perfectly.

Moral of the Story: My boyfriend underestimated that guy.