His side of the Story

You know Pinocchio had it right; it’s not easy being a boy.  I’m not talking about being a part of the male gender and smelling bad and having acne – I’m talking about the part where the rest of you has grown up and your body stays 12.

Hi, my name is Peter Pan and I’m trapped in a child’s body.

At first I kind of liked it.  I spent years having immense amounts of energy, I could eat anything I wanted and had zero responsibilities.  I spent most of the day ambushing Captain Hook and planning the next spitball game.  I never had to take a bath, I could fart as much as I wanted, and dinner could be a bag of sour key candies whenever I wanted it to.

Things were going pretty well for me, until I started to have these…well, episodes.  I guess it started one day when I saw Tinkerbell taking a shower.  Oh man, I never knew she was so HOT! The way the water fell over her back and….oh God, here we go again.  Ok, so I just started getting boners all day long.  I had no idea what to do with myself.

After a while, I realized that female companionship was what I was longing for.  I needed to go on a date, get out there, tap some ass. I took a shower, changed my tights and even brushed my teeth.  But did any of those women want to date a 12 year old?  No.  The answer is a definite NO.

No woman wanted to be seen with me.  They laughed at my attempts to pick them up, and one lady even offered to call my parents to come get me.  You know what I said?

“I’m Peter Pan dumb ass, I have no parents!” That didn’t go over well.

I went to bars, I tried to mingle, I tried to be charming and considerate, but all these women wanted was to get drunk and talk about themselves.  Apparently if you can’t buy a chick a drink, they want nothing to do with you. 

(Oh, and on a side note – fairy dust doesn’t actually work – I found that out the hard way.)

Also, I’d just like to point out that I don’t wear this green tunic and tights for the fun of it, it’s THE ONLY THING THAT FITS! If I could rock a pair of jeans and a blazer I’d be all over it, but to tell you the truth, those guys seem kinda lame.

So I guess I’m doomed to be a kid forever, deprived of female love and human affection, endlessly living in Neverland where no hotties will ever visit.  A life of solitude and detachment where…hold on a second.  Is this porn!? There are WEB SITES OF PORN!? 

Screw you ladies.